Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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