I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
