I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm both gender and math confused
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
