Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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