Having a random hookup so left but love u
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
