I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
