I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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