Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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