Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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