Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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