the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
