Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
