You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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