the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
