What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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