Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
