Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
