I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
