My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
