my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
