So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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