I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
