you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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