I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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