Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
