is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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