Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
