so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
