When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
