That's intense
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
