I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
