Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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