That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
