so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
