i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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