some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
