im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
