if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'm really busy with my period
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