Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
