I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
