im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
this boner is exhausting
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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