Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
