K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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