I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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