Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
