also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
