I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
