We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
