I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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