i was born a porn star she said
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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