i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
