To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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