I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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